Annual Reading Schedule - Torah Given Through Mosheh - Week 5 - Sarah Conceived & YHWH Yireh (Genesis 19:23-25:4)

Based upon Genesis 24, some people believe in the giving of a nose ring and bracelets upon commitment to marriage. However, a commitment to marriage cannot be confirmed between a man and a woman all by their own selves if the woman's Father is alive. If a woman's Father is alive, he is supposed to have a right of refusal according to Exodus 22:17. If he hears of the arrangement and refuses to give her, then it does not stand. The real commitment for Rivqah did not begin until her Father heard and accepted. Asking her afterwards if she wanted to go was optional, but not a required part of the marriage agreement process.

In fact, if you look closely, Genesis 24:55 doesn't say the Father tried to delay things or ask the daughter – it says the brother and the Mother! Maybe the Father (Betu'el) knew that his agreement to give her was binding and final, and for that reason, is not mentioned among those re-considering the giving of Rivqah. Technically, only the Father really has the final authority to give her away, so the brother and Mother asking her are not necessarily binding, but more so reflecting their concerns for her happiness to make sure she is willingly going.

Some believers view the daughter must agree, but I view it differently and believe the authority rests with the Father of the daughter and that the daughter should be obedient to what her Father says, just as in other things, so too also in marriage.

However, what Father wants his daughter to be forced with someone if he knows that she will be completely unhappy? A Father might consider trying to force his daughter to marry someone if he believed it is for her own good. However, even if a Father believed it was for his daughter's own good to marry a certain man, I do not think forcing her to marry someone is a good idea or wise because it would be worse if his daughter later left the man because she never wanted to be with him to begin with. Or what if the daughter has discerned something that makes her think she is not compatible with the man to be his wife? Shouldn't the Father consider that?

So having the daughter's consent is the right way to go even if it were not required because a marriage is supposed to last a lifetime. If you want it to last a lifetime, it is best the daughter not be forced.

It is a kind gesture to give gifts, bracelets, nose rings, costly garments, etc. at the time of commitment, but the giving of gifts is not what makes the agreement. Certainly the bride price is required, if the Father so chooses to make it required, for maidens according to Exodus 22:17 and Deuteronomy 22:29. The Father could choose to not require any bride price or set a price another way. We see an example of that in 1 Samuel 18:25. Ultimately, it's left up to the Father of the woman.